The Greatest Band in Middle Earth NOT
by Mona Lisa
Summary: Legolas, Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli decide to start a band. Not as easy as it sounds.....
1. A Great Idea

Disclaimer- I don't own anything Tolkien created. Nor do I own Led Zeppelin 

Author's note- I like Led Zeppelin and Lord of the Rings. This is a stupid story. 

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Chapter one- A great Idea! 

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"I don't understand why everybody always makes fun of me." Gimli the Dwarf said in frustration. He was in a small pub, sitting at a table by a window with his friends Legolas and Boromir. "Am I really that bad?" 

"Yes." Boromir said, not looking up from where he was scratching BOROMIR WAS HERE on the table. 

"Well, just to let you know, Mister Man, you arn't so pleasing yourself." Boromir snorted. "Fine." The Dwarf answered, slamming his fist down on the table that it startled half of the people in the pub. "Legolas, who's better looking: Me or Boromir?" 

The Elf did not respond. He was busy, cranning his neck over the crowd. "Where is Aragorn?" He said at last. 

"Aragorn?" Boromir asked, looking up. "He wasn't one of the choices." 

"I said, 'Where is Aragorn,' not 'I choose Aragorn.'" 

"Oh." Boromir grinned sheepishly and went back to his carving. 

"He's getting drinks." Gimli said, puffing on his pipe. "Now, who is better looking: Me or Boromir?" 

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Legolas asked. Gimli cast an evil look at both Boromir and Legolas just as Aragorn returned, carring four pints of ale in his arms. 

"Aragorn, who's better looking: me or Boromir?" 

"Boromir." Aragorn said, sitting down and taking a sip of his ale. Again Gimli glarred at Boromir, who grinned back at him triumphantly. Then the table went quiet. Gimli cast evil glares at anybody who looked at him, Legolas was singing softly to himself, Boromir continued carving, and Aragorn sipped on his ale thoughtfuly. 

"Life has gottan really dull." Aragorn said after many long minutes. 

"What do you mean?" the other four asked as all four of them took a swig of their ale in unison. 

"I mean that life has become boring. We have nothing to do. This life has lost it's appeal. We wander, day by day, searching for something that we know doesn't exist-" Gimli and Boromir exchanged confused glances, and Legolas began to zone off into his own world. "-Everyday, we wander the same path, going around in circles!" His voice was getting louder and he stood up, delivring his speech as though he were the Presidant of the United States, "It is time that we take a stand! Time we get off this path, and venture off into the Unknown!" Gimli and Aragorn looked shooked. 

"Er, Aragorn?" the Dwarf asked uncertainly. The people in the pub were all staring at Aragorn. Some were snickering, others were laughing, some looked confused. Boromir pulled Aragorn back down into his seat. 

"There's nothing to see here." He said, waving his hands about in a mysterious fasion. The people gave him odd looks, then turned away. "Works every time." he said, chuckling to himself. 

Legolas, who was still zoned out began to sing to himself: (in the tune of Led Zeppelin's Stariway to Heaven)   
"It's old Ladies in shorts,   
Who turn glitter to gold,   
And they're buying a stariway to medicine..." 

"That's it!" Aragorn shouted so loud that it sent several birds in a tree outside of the window flying in fear. 

"Hush!" Legolas said, finnaly awoken from his dream state. 

"Oh, um, alright." Aragorn said, looking sheepish and said, quitely, "I have a brilliant idea. Let's start a band." 

"A band?" 

"A Band. Legolas could sing, I'll play the guitar-" 

"- I'll play drums!" Gimli said. 

"Right. That leaves-" Aragorn paused dramaticaly, "-the Bassist!" Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli all looked at Boromir expectantly. 

Boromir looked uncomfortable. "You want me to play Bass? What's a Bass? Is it a type of horn?" 

"No." Aragorn answered. "It is a four stringed guitar used for rytham." 

Boromir tried to comprehened this without success. "Used for rytham? Does that mean you hit it with a stick, or use it to play the drums?" 

"Oh, just use your Horn!" Legolas said, "We'll see what we can do with that!" 

"So it's settled then." Gimli said and smiled. 

"Yes. Let's go upstairs and start planning!"   


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I Hope you like it. Please Review, because reviews are a good thing. 


	2. Rehersal

Disclaimer- Nope, don't own any of it! 

Author's note- second chapter. Thank you to the few who reviewed. This time, it's Rehersal time! 

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Chapter 2- Rehersal 

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"Well, are we ready to star this?" Aragorn asked, adjusting the knob on his ampilfier. 

"We Have to wait for Legolas." Boromir replied, polishing his horn. 

"Where is he?" 

"Beats me." 

"I can't reach the Bass Drum peddle!" Gimli said, trying to reach the peddle with his legs. 

"Adjust the chair!" Aragorn said, and he walked over to the dwarf and helped him lower the seat. 

"Now I can't reach those drums, up there!" 

"Yes you can, stop whining." 

"No, I can't!" 

"You can! You're just trying to piss me off!" 

"No I'm not! I can't reach the drums! I'm to short!" 

"I can't help you, then, Shorty!" 

"Who are you calling 'Shorty,' eh, Mister?" Gimli asked throwning a drumstick at Aragorn's head. 

"You even said you were short yourself! Why are you upset?" Aragorn retailiated by chucking his gutiar pick at Gimli. Gimli sprang up from his seat and jumped onto Aragorn with a mighty war yell. The battle contiued unnoticed by Boromir, who was still polishing his horn. 

"There you are, all nice and shiny! Hey, Aragorn?" He asked, still polishing his sword and not noticing the ranger was bit preoccupied. "What do you think will happen when I tell Faramir I'm in a band? Do you think he'll yell at me and tell me to shut up? That's what I think he'll do. Mabye though, he will be nice and congradulate me. What do you think, Aragorn? Aragorn?" 

He turned around and noticed Gimli and Aragorn, rolling around on the floor. Each one had a drumstick, and was beating the other with it. In alarm, Boromir blew his horn and ran over to them. 

"Stop!" He yelled, trying to pry Aragorn off of Gimli. "This is totaly unreasonable, innapropriet conduct! I demand that you-" Boromir was cut short when Aragorn wrapped one arm around the man's knees. In a second, Boromir was down on the ground with the other two. "What are you doing!?" He asked, snatching the drumstick from Gimli and hitting Aragorn with it. 

"Hey!" 

"That's my stick!" 

Legolas arrived to find Gimli, Aragorn and Boromir, all rolling around on the floor. Both Aragorn and Gimli were beating Boromir, who lay curlled up with his hands ovr his head, with Gimli's drumsticks. 

"What is the meaning of this?" The elf asked, pulling the two off of Boromir. "What has Boromir done this time to deserve that?" 

"He tried to break up a fight." Aragorn said. 

"So you beat him up?" 

"Yes." Aragorn smiled at the Elf. 

Legolas shook his head. "I heard him blow his horn, so I decided to see what was going on. Aragorn, Gimli, don't beat up people if they try to break up a fight!" He walked over to where Boromir was still laying with his hands over his head. 

"Where have YOU been?" Boromir asked as Legolas helped him to his feet. The Elf smiled mysteriously. 

"I have found us a manager." 

"Really?" 

"Yes. May I present, GANDALF!!!" Gandalf walked in and waved at all of them. Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli all looked at Legolas. 

"Gandalf??" They asked and Legolas knodded. 

"Legolas, you know Gandalf doesn't know anything about music." Aragorn said. 

"Niether does Boromir." Leoglas replied, tossing his head in the man's direction. Gandalf had not heard any thing that had just been said. 

"Well, let's see what you can do!" He said, taking his seat. Aragorn picked up his guitar, Legolas stood beside the microphone, Gimli returned to his drum set, and Boromir just stood there, not really knowing what to do. Then they started, and Gandalf realized that they were attempting to play Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir." 

"On only son's beat down upon my face,   
like starts to fill my ears.   
I am a salamnder of both time and space,   
to be where I have been.   
I sit with killers of a gentel race,   
the stars have seldoms deen...." 

"STOP! STOP!" Gandalf shouted, waving his arms franticlay in the air. The music came to an abrupt halt. "Now," Gandalf said, shaking his head, "I already see some problems. Legolas, you are a great singer, but you have to learn the words. Gimli, prehaps you need a smaller drum set. Aragorn, you're not Jimi Henrix, so stop attempting to play thta dang thing behind your back. And Boromir, that horn isn't going to work, you need a bass. This is not good. I have already booked a gig in two weeks! We have two weeks to get prefected!" The rest of the band starred at him. 

"You mean we arn't good?" Aragorn asked, pouting. 

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Alright, a stupid chapter, but that is alright. I have to go now. There will be more. Next chapter.... Boromir annoys his brother!! 

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	3. Brotherly Love

Disclaimer- None. I own nothing. 

Author's note- Chapter three! Yeah! That was really fast. Two Chapters in one day!   
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Chapter three- Brotherly Love 

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Boromir walked to where his younger brother was sitting behind a desk, an enormas book on the table in front of him. Boromir had his Horn around his neck, and in his hands he proudly held a sunburst color Fender Bass. 

"Faramir?" He asked, and the younger man looked up from his enormas volume, an expression of curiosity on his face. 

"Boromir? What's that?" He pointed to the Fendir Bass. 

"It's my Bass." Boromir replied. 

"What's a bass?" 

"A bass is this." Faramir shook his head. 

"I mean, what does it do?" 

"Oh! You make music with it. See? Like this!" Boromir moved his fingers clumsily over the neck of the Bass. Faramir gave his elder brother a questioning look. 

"I'm in a band." The elder man exclaimed. 

"Oh. Well, have fun." Faramir said, and returned to his book. 

"Yeah. Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and I have decided to start a band. Legolas sings, Aragorn plays the guitar, and Gimli is our drummer." 

"Go away." 

"Gandalf is our manager. He's a little strict. He says that Legolas keeps getting the words all wrong, and then he can't remember them himself." 

"Shut up." 

"HA! I knew you were going to say that! Just yesterday, I told Aragorn that I thought you would tell me to shut up and go away when I told you about our band! He didn't belive me! HA! Now he owes me 20 dollars!" Faramir looked up from his book just in time to see Boromir do a little dance. 

"I'm rich, I'm rich!" 

"SHUT UP!!!!!" Boromir stopped and looked at his brother in embaressment. "I am trying to study, Boromir! You always choose the worst times to try and talk to me! Come back latter!" 

"What are you reading?" 

"A book about the history of someplace called England. Go away." 

"I don't want to." 

"Boromir, come back in- oh- three days. Then mabye I will talk to you. In the mean time, go pick some flowers." 

"Why flowers? Why not blueberries?" 

"I like flowers. Go! I need them for my date!" Muttering angerly, Boromir walked away and into the gardens. Why couldn't Faramir pick his OWN flowers for his stupid date? 

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Short chapter, I know. Review, please.   



	4. Backup

Disclaimer- I own Aragorn! I own Bormir! I own Legolas! I own Gimli! I own Gandalf! I own Faramir! I own Arwen! I own action figures of them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sadly, I don't own the real ones, cause I didn't create them. I will not make any money from anything Tolkien made. Unless I decide to sale the action figures. I don't own the Moody Blues either.   


Author's note- To all reviewers.... I don't make fun of Boromir because I hate him, I do it because I _don't_ hate him. *Everybody pauses to try and figure this out* Just for you people who are convinced I hate Boromir, I'll write a nice story for him soon. One that doesn't make fun of him. Anyways, this is the fourth chapter of my story! Yay! And thank you to all who reviewed.   


Warning- contains minor spoilers as to how the Arwen-Aragorn-Eowyn love triangle ends. But don't let that keep you from reading!   
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Chapter four- Back up   
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"Hello, Boromir." A voice said from behind. Boromir turned around to find a young, attractive blond standing behind him. 

"Hello, Eowyn. How was your date?" 

"It was fun. We went to dinner, then went and saw a movie." She looked around the room they were in. "Faramir told me that you are starting a band. He didn't seem to thrilled though, when I said it sounded like a cool idea. Where is everybody else?" 

"Gandalf is trimming his beard, Aragorn is upstairs doing God-knows-what with Arwen, Legolas is admiring himself in the bathroom mirror, and Gimli is yelling at him to get out of there so he can go pee." 

Eowyn nodded as she hung her coat up on the wall, then turned to Boromir. Nither of them noticed Faramir come to the door way. 

"So, Boromir, what made you decide to play bass?" Eowyn asked, and then sat down on a couch that was pushed aginst the wall. Boromir smiled. 

"It was something my father said. One day when I was little, he took me aside, and said, 'Son, all you hear kids talk about thse days is Sax and Violins. Niether of them are good. There is no such thing as "Safe Sax" and there sure as Hell ain't no such thing as "Safe Violins."'" 

"There sure as Hell ain't no such word as 'ain't' either." Faramir said, entering the room. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you wern't interested in this." 

Farmir shrugged and sat down on the couch next to Eowyn as the rest of the band came down the stairs, Arwen trailing behind. 

"Alright, then!" Gandalf said, rubbing his hands together. "I hope you all have been practicing in the two days you had off. Now, Legolas, don't forget, the words are 'Nights in white satin, never reaching the end,' not 'Knights like Sir Gandalf, are hard to defend.'" 

"Alright." Legolas nodded and then everybody went to their places. At once the music started. After a few moments, Arwen, Eowyn, and Faramir were all plugging their ears. 

"Nights in white satin,   
Are hard to begin,   
Kittens wear mittins,   
When the snow is all dead." 

"LEGOLAS!" Gandalf shouted and the music stopped. "We've been through this before! The words are "Nights in white Satin, never reaching the end, letters I've written, never meaning to- Never meaning to- dang! What was that last word?" 

"Send?" Aragorn inquiered. 

"Yes, yes, that was it! Never meaning to send!" After three more takes, Legolas finnaly got the lyrics right. They went through three more songs, all of them just as horrible as the last. Faramir went upstairs and didn't come back, Eowyn did her nails, and Arwen fell asleep on the couch. 

"You know what, Gandalf?" Aragorn asked after they ran through "Kashmir" for the tenth time. "We need a keyboardst on thta song. It has all of those big orchistral parts, and we havn't got a synphony. When Led Zeppelin did that song live, the normaly use a keyboardist to play those parts." 

"Faramir can play the piano." Boromir said, 'Though I doubt that he would consent to this." 

"We can ask." 

"He never listens to me." Boromir replied. "After all I've done for him! I taught him how to read, I protected him when he was young, I comforted him after Mother's death, I..." 

"Eowyn?" Aragorn asked, ignoring Boromir who was still going on with his list, "Would you please go ask Faramir if he would play keyboards for our band? He loves you and he'll listen to you." 

"I guess this band could use a little back up." She replied. "I'll be back." With that, she sped up the stairs. The band waited in anticipation, the only sounds coming from Arwen's snoring and Boromir. 

"When he had nightmares, he would run to me, not Mom and Dad! He would crawl into bed with me, and tell me of his nightmares, and I would hold him untill he calmed down! In fact, he still does that to this day! Last year, he had a dream that a giant, fluffy pink rabbit was chasing him, and-" Gandalf waked the unfortianate man of Gondor with his staff, and Boromir's incessent talking was brought to an abrupt halt. 

A few moments latter, Eowyn returned, looking triumphant. "He will." She said, and everyone else cheered. "However, I had to tell him that Arwen and I were going to sing back up and dance before he even considered it." At this, Arwen sat bolt upright. 

"You what?" She asked in horror. 

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Once again, fairly stupid, but I really don't care. R/R, please. 


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